Misbegotten Love
by Indigo Tantarian
Summary: This has some light shonen ai YJ, and some heavier mostly onesided shonen ai YYY just to warn you. But anyway, Yugi has feelings for Jou, can't Jou get that through his thick skull? And will the Pharaoh get what he believes is his supreme right?
1. Missing the Point

Author's Notes: This came to me when I misread a summary for another story. I don't remember which one, but I thought this would be funny. Probably not very GOOD of course, but funny. There's no way in hell I'm typing Joey's accent. He's gonna talk like a NORMAL person, dammit! No offense to New Yorkers, but Joey ISN'T one!  
WARNING: Yaoi! But there's absolutely nothing but lustful thoughts that completely miss their mark, and it's funny, so even if you hate yaoi, this shouldn't offend you. Unless you're dumb! So we'll see. I'll make the pairing Yugi/Joey because honestly, they're the only ones I could use… This is my first yaoi, so be kind… No lemon, because I really don't like them. I skip over reading them anyway, and couldn't write a sex scene, or even a detailed kiss, to save my life! However, I'll try to make this as humorously smutty as I can. Yep, I'm mocking all you romance writers! Hee hee! ^_^  
  
Ankh: Indigo doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh… And if the real owner knew she was doing this, he'd probably be mad. I really don't know what brought this on, because it wasn't me!  
Scale: Shut up, moron! That nut Indigo needs to be locked up forever! When all the SERIOUS romance writers get hold of her and drop her in a vat of boiling oil, or mummify her alive, or whatever they do these days, I'll laugh!  
Indigo: Shh. You guys aren't helping me with anything else, and I needed to write SOMETHING! Now how about you help me with all those papers I have to write…  
  
  
Misbegotten Love  
  
  
Yugi sighed as he sat at the edge of the schoolyard. This had gone on far too long. He had watched his friend with admiration for months now… It had quickly blossomed into love, leaving the vertically-challenged boy with a constant dreamy look on his face as he thought of this perfect, beautiful person. His other friends had noticed, but the one he loved seemed to ignore his gaze. Or maybe he was just hiding his feelings. That had to be it, he was just as afraid as Yugi to show his feelings.  
  
Sick and tired of his unrequited love, and after many pep talks from Yami, Yugi had finally decided to talk to his friend about his feelings. So he had invited his best friend to meet him here. They were supposed to have met exactly seventeen minutes and… fifteen seconds ago. However, Yugi was hopeful.  
  
"Hey Yugi!" Jounochi called as he ran across the schoolyard towards his best friend. Yugi stood up and grinned at the taller boy coming towards him. Oh, how he wanted to run and throw his arms around the young blond deity dashing towards him, to bury his face in the other's pure white shirt, to smell his scent, to--  
  
"Yugi! Sorry I'm late! There was traffic, and this whole pack of dogs chased me all over town. I couldn't shake them off! So I just ran by Kaiba's house and threw a sandwich in his window. I bet he'll have to get a rabies shot!" Jounochi said excitedly.   
  
"Jounochi-kun, I'm so glad you came!" Yugi said, looking up at his friend in pure, untainted infatuation.   
  
"Oh, no problem Yugi. What'd you want to talk to me about, anyway?" Jou asked, cocking his head, which made him look uncannily like a dog trying to understand something.  
  
"Well…" Yugi said, wanting to choose his words carefully, "I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been feeling really… different lately."  
  
"What's wrong? You getting sick?" Jou put a hand on his friend's cheek for a moment. "You don't have a fever."  
  
After taking a moment to revel in the glory of HIS Jou-kun TOUCHING him, Yugi found his voice again. "N - no, Jou-kun. It's not that. I… I think I like someone."  
  
"Huh? I thought you liked everybody, Yugi!" Jou said, cheerfully oblivious.  
  
"Oh, maybe I should rephrase that… I LOVE someone," Yugi said, putting extra emphasis on the word and gazing up into Jounochi's eyes. They were like beautiful pools of chocolate and caramel. All mixed together. Like those great candies at the store… Mmm… Yugi shook his head. Not a good time to get sidetracked! Jou now, candy later!  
  
"Aw, you do? That's great, Yugi! Way to go! Who is it? I bet it's Anzu! You've liked her forever, haven't you?" Jou said excitedly.  
  
"Uh, no… Anzu's nice, but… It's… another boy, Jou-kun," Yugi said in a soft, nervous voice, dropping his eyes.  
  
"Oh. Wow, that's different. When did you turn gay, Yugi? Well don't worry, I still like you and all," Jou said, rather surprised at first, but willing to support his friend all the same. "Hey, I can help you guys hook up! This'll be great!"  
  
"Um, that's really nice of you Jou-kun…" Yugi said slowly, "But I don't think you understand…"  
  
"Cool, I love playing matchmaker! This'll be great! Now who is it, huh Yugi? Come on, tell me!" Jou urged Yugi.  
  
"Okay. Well, it's --"  
  
"Is it Honda? Or that guy in your Puzzle? That'd be weird."  
  
"Jou-kun…"  
  
"Oh I know, it's gotta be Ryou! Or maybe Bakura? That guy gives me the creeps, but if that's the way you like them…"  
  
"Jounochi-kun…."  
  
"It's not Malik, is it? What a psycho! Or Otogi? Yugi, it's not Kaiba, is it? Oh please tell me you're not in love with Kaiba…"  
  
"JOUNOCHI-KUN! It's… you. I'm I love with you!" Yugi finally shouted. Activity all over the neighborhood ceased. People stopped what they were doing to stick their heads out of windows and stare at the boy declaring his love. Yugi looked at Jou, fearful of rejection.  
  
"There aren't too many guys we know left, Yugi. Is it somebody we don't hang out with? Wait, not Mokuba, is it? Isn't he a little young? Or that weird guy you said you met in Pegasus's castle who went into your head? Shoddy? Shady?"  
  
Yugi looked at his friend in openmouthed shock.  
  
"Let's see, who else do we know? It IS somebody I know, right? Eew, not Insector Haga, is it? Or Dinosaur Ryuzaki? Bandit Keith? No, he went crazy, didn't he? Uh…. That freaky fish guy? He seemed to kinda like you. Esper Roba? Or maybe Pegasus? Or did he die? I forget."  
  
"Jounochi-kun, will you LISTEN to me for a minute!?" Yugi asked, getting frustrated.   
  
"Sure Yugi. What do you want?" the oblivious Jou asked.  
  
"It's YOU that I like. I love YOU," Yugi said, speaking clearly.  
  
"Huh. I don't think you could really love anybody else, Yugi. That's all the guys you know, I think."  
  
"Jou-kun, did you recently get a sex change," Yugi asked, getting REALLY fed up with this.  
  
"What are you talking about!? Of course not! Geez, you're really turning flakey, Yugi. One minute we're talking about who you're in love with, and then you go off on sex changes. What's with you today?" Jou asked, really not getting it.  
  
"Rrg…" Yugi said quietly, clenching his fists. "Okay, okay, I changed my mind!" He ran away from the schoolyard and his bewildered friend as fast as he could. "Well, whatever gods watch over me obviously don't want me to be in love with Jou-kun. AND IT WORKED!" he shouted up to the sky as he ran. As he passed, the world stopped to gawk at the boy yelling at the sky. "I'm sorry! I'll go find someone with a mind this time!"  
  
After watching his unstable little friend run off, Jou shrugged. Maybe the pressure was just too much for the little guy. Oh well. Jou calmly walked off to inform their friends that Yugi had a crush on some guy they didn't know. Just as he crossed the street however, he heard loud barking and a short, cruel laugh coming form around the corner. 'Oh crap,' he thought, and bolted…  
  
…And off Yugi ran into the sunset, although it was only mid-afternoon. He had learned his lesson for the day. High above in their celestial seats, the gods snickered at their game of "Mortals and Love."  
  
  
Endnote: Well that was nice and pointless, wasn't it? I actually like Jou/Yugi yaoi usually, but it's not my favorite pairing. Besides, Jou's fun to torture! Anyway, let me know what you think, if it's decent or if I should just put it out of its misery right now. And yes, I know my notes are too long. They always are. 


	2. Narcissism

Author's Note: First of all let me say that I like Yami/Hikari pairings, except usually Mariku and his yami. But if you think of the Yamis as just the dark halves of a person, or even if you just look at how similar they look to their hosts, it's strange to say the least… And that is why I had to add this to my yaoi-mocking fun. It would be more fun if you didn't know what the title meant, but since most of you do, I'm just glad you're educated. ^_^  
  
This happens some time after Shadi goes into Yuugi's mind. It follows the first chapter, if a bit loosely…  
  
Mou hitori no boku = The other me (polite)  
  
Mou hitori no ore = The other me (informal)  
  
Aibou = Partner  
  
Yuugi Muto = Yuugi  
  
Yami Yuugi = Yami  
  
Ryou Bakura = Ryou  
  
Yami Bakura = Bakura  
  
Mariku Ishtar = Mariku  
  
Yami Mariku = Ishtar  
  
/…/ = Hikari to Yami  
  
//…// = Yami to Hikari  
  
-  
  
Narcissism  
  
-  
  
The former Pharaoh sat in the true room of his soul, admiring his most prized possession. The walls, ceiling, and even floor of his private room were all covered in mirrors.   
  
His brooding crimson eyes stared into another pair of eyes, so similar that it was hard to tell them apart. He let out a long, passionate sigh.  
  
"Oh… Such beauty has not graced the earth in three long millennia…" he moaned. "That Egyptian… Shadi was it? He must have been trying to gain the beauty I have been blessed with… Why else would he have been searching for my true Soul Room? I didn't believe that story about searching for the thief who took the Eye for a second. He came seeking perfection, and it was denied him. Heh, and then he crawled off like a jackal that had been kicked." The ancient spirit smirked smugly, congratulating himself on his ingenious plan to get rid of his meddlesome visitor. He had caused his Puzzle to flash brightly, and the resulting light that bounced off all the mirrors had nearly blinded the troublesome guardian.  
  
/Mou hitori no boku?/ Ah, the young one. What a great host Yuugi was… Yami almost slipped back into his musings on perfection, but the call came again. /Mou hitori no boku…?/ He sounded upset about something.  
  
Yami Yuugi sighed again. //What is it, mou hitori no ore?//  
  
/Um… Well if this isn't a good time, it can wait…/  
  
//No, no, this time is as good as any. What's the matter?//  
  
/I… I tried to tell Jounouchi-kun how I felt… But he didn't understand…/  
  
//What did he say to you?// Yami snarled. If anyone hurt his host's feelings, they would pay…  
  
/He didn't understand… I told him that I loved him, and it was like he didn't even hear me!/  
  
//How dare he… Mou hitori no ore, I thought he might not understand, but such a lack of honor is unforgivable! How could anyone not listen to you? To MY aibou!? This cannot be overlooked…//  
  
/M… mou hitori no boku… He just didn't understand. I… forgive him. It's all right. He doesn't know… Please, you shouldn't hurt him./  
  
//How can you forgive such an indiscretion!? He deserves to have his mind crushed!// Yami was furious for a moment, unable to accept that this crime against his hikari go unpunished.  
  
/I… I don't think he needs any more damage to his mind, mou hitori no boku. I understand the way he is. It's okay./  
  
The former Pharaoh was about to argue again, but he stopped when he realized that this could work to his advantage.  
  
//Perhaps you're right, mou hitori no ore… But this is no reason to give up.//  
  
/It isn't? But… Mou hitori no boku, he can never love me./  
  
The ancient spirit smiled fondly at his innocent little host. //He was a fool to reject your love… But there are others who would gladly take it…//  
  
/What do you mean…?/ asked Yuugi, who was not nearly as slow as his blond friend, but was a bit unsure of what he was hearing all the same.  
  
//Yuugi, you know that I was a Pharaoh in ancient times. I grew quite used to getting the best of everything, but no one, no matter how beautiful, could mirror my greatness…//  
  
/I… don't understand where this is going, mou hitori no boku…/  
  
//…For over three thousand years I have searched, and found each person lacking.//  
  
/Well… I'm sorry… I hope you have better luck next time!/  
  
//Ah, but I have, my little one… I have found one who matches my beauty. You are all that I am, but shining with innocence and light…//  
  
/Mou hitori no boku, I'm not THAT innocent! You know that!/ the boy complained.  
  
//Yes, I know.// The Pharaoh grinned darkly. //But you have that look about you. It is… appealing. Attractive. You are not merely a mirror of me… I can only get so much from a mirror… No Yuugi, you are more like a window. I see myself, but I see so much more that is not myself… And yet, my image remains in front of me. Calling out to me…//  
  
/Um, I think I have something I should be doing right now… …Maybe I can go see if Bakura-kun needs any help with anything…/  
  
//Ha, the tomb robber… He also sees himself in his host, you know. But as he should, he recognizes that he does not share my greatness and beauty… or honor, or courage, or ANY of my great virtues. He recognizes how completely repulsive he must be, so naturally he punishes his host for it. It isn't the boy's fault of course, but I have to agree that such evil should kill itself off and save me the trouble…//  
  
/Mou hitori no boku! How can you say such a thing!? Bakura-kun is my friend!/  
  
//Of course, little one, of course.// The Pharaoh gave a pacifying smile. //But in any case, the thief will get his own punishment in due time. As will Mariku Ishtar and his other self, for trying to hurt my precious aibou and his little friends…// His voice had taken on the tone of someone speaking to a baby. //Isis was always kind to us, so we'll spare her when we get our rightful power back, won't we? You don't choose your family, after all. But aside from her, anyone who held a Sennen Item has an evil heart, no doubt. Pegasus was already destroyed for his acts. Then there is that Egyptian man, Shadi. He broke into our mind, and if that isn't trespassing in the Pharaoh's soul, then nothing is. He will pay as well. They ALL will!// His voice ended on a high, nearly hysterical note of excitement. Then he calmed down a bit. //And we will rule all the world together, just you and I. And your friends can come to play more often.//  
  
/Um… mou hitori no boku… I think you forgot one./  
  
The great Pharaoh, king of all Egypt, blinked stupidly. //What? Who? Has another Sennen Item been created in my absence? Will this spawn a whole new generation of evil that I must overcome?//  
  
Yuugi sighed. /I have a Sennen Item. You LIVE in one. The Puzzle, remember? And how are you going to get every country in the world to live under you? That's a lot of people! And they usually don't like dictators. What will you do with the world when it's yours?/  
  
The once and future king was silent for a moment. Then he smiled. //Yes, well we can punish everyone ELSE who holds a Sennen Item. No need to apply the same rules to ourselves. You worry too much, aibou. I'll take care of all that when the time comes. But until then…//  
  
/…Yes…?/  
  
The Pharaoh cupped his hands around the boy's face and looked deeply into his eyes. //You are so like me… In another time, YOU could have been the Pharaoh. No one would have ever known the difference. You are all that I am, and all that I want..//  
  
Yuugi looked into his darker half's eyes, mesmerized. /I hadn't noticed before./ he thought to himself. /…But he is beautiful./  
  
The darker one looked into HIS eyes as well. //I always knew it.// he mused to himself. //The greatest being ever to grace this planet has finally found his equal… I am the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.//  
  
And so the Pharaoh captured his host's lips with his own and both sets of eyes closed, dreaming of their own private fantasies. One saw a chance at love. The other saw… himself.  
  
-  
  
Endnote: Well that ended up being more disturbing than funny… Really, how wrong! To let you know, I really don't like Yami Yuugi much at all. But it's SO fun to mess around with him like this! ^_^   
  
Review, please! ^_^ 


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